Give Me the Words

Andy Senter

   Our seventh grade year during a retreat with my church we both became Christians.   Jack had been my best friend since fifth grade, but this is what really brought us together.  It was really good having someone stick up for you in a school where the pressures of drinking, sex, and drugs hit you as early as eighth grade.  The older we got, the harder it became to resist these temptations and to still be considered "cool" by our friends.  It was always a great comfort knowing you had someone praying for you when life got hard.

    Ou freshman year you could say we were pretty m uch "on fire" for the Lrod.  We started a small prayer group and led several people to Christ, and by the end of the year our gropu had blossomed so much that it had to be separated into several small groups.  Jack and I had become well known for our faith, yet we were still liked by most of our peers.  This was the first time in my life that I was able to fully devote my life to something, and I had never imagined how blessed I really was.

    My junior year started off well, although there were more people at school and it was continually getting harder to be an effective witness.  Jack and I still had our prayer group and were still very close to God.  We constantly probed and prodded each other with questions of faith and how we each were doing, and we were always watching each ther closely making sure we were real.  As I left school one Friday, I routinely dropped Jack off at his house, whcih was no more than a mile from mine.

    "Hey, I'll call you after me and Chrissy get home from the movies," he said as he grabbed his bag and stepped out of my car.

    "All right." I said.  "Have fun tonight."

    Chrissy was Jack's girlfriend of about a year.  He had met her int he prayer group.  She was a storng Christian and they hit it off right away.

    As the night grew late, he still hadn't called.  We were supposed to do something after the movie was over.  Now it was approaching 12:30 and still nothing.  I decided that he wasn't going to call and went to bed.  I awoke Saturday morning to the ring of the telephone.

    "Hello." I said, still mostly asleep.

    "Hey, do you want to go riding around, I kinda need someone to talk to."  I recognized the voice on the line as Jack's.

    "Yeah, I'll be over in a second."  I wondered what could be so important.  I looked at the clock, it was 9:30, and this was pretyt early for Jack to be up on a Saturday.  I quickly dressed and got in my car and drove to Jakc's.  He was watching and saw me pull up and quickly ran out of the house.   As he opeend the door and got in my car, I noticed that he looked tired and it looked as thouygh he had gotten very little sleep.  His eyes were red and puffy and I could tell he had been crying. 

    "What's the matter?"  I asked.

    "Me and Chrissy broke up last night; she said that she was spending too much time with ame and too little with God.  She said that she needed to get some things straightened out."

    I was kind of speechless.  "That kinda sucks."  I thought that that might not have been the right thing to say but it slipped out anyway.   "So how do you feel about it?  Were you giving to much to her and not enough to God?"

    "I don'tk now, but I'm about through with God now!  I've spent the last three years giving all I've had to Him and this is what He does for me."

    This was one of the biggest shocks to me.  Jack was one of the best Christians I knew and then I heard this come out of his mouth.  "You know that's not tre, don't you?  You know that God's not just doing this to upset you.   he has a reason, it's all part of a bigger picture."

    "You don't understand," Jack said.  I looked ove rat him and saw nothing but rage on his face.  "She was the only thing I wanted out of life.  I don't know how a loving God who just wants the best fo rme could do somehting that hurts me like this.  I'm starting to wonder if it was true, or if I just wanted something to believe in."

    We rode around for a little while longer without talking.  The silence was awkward, but I didn't really know what I could say after that.   "Please God, give me the words," I thought to myself.

    "Well I just thought you should know.  But I'd better get home.  My mom was kind of pissed that I got home so late," said Jack.

    "It was rare that Jack swore.  I knew that he was pretty mad and that I probably ought to take him home.  I thought to myself that maybe this was just a phase and that in a couple weeks when he wasn't so confused he would think better of what he had said.  I pulled upt o his house and as he opened the door I said, "Hey, I'll be praying for you."

    "Maybe you'd better not," said Jack with a frown.   "That's waht got me into this whole mess to begin with."  Then he stepped out of the car and walked away. 

    I thought about the whole thing all day.  I felt sort of helpless.   He was my best friend and I didn't feel I could do anything for him.  Later, as I lay down to go to sleep, I thought to myself, "God, be with jack.  help him to know that he's making the wrong decision, and that this is in your perfect plan for his life.  Show me what I can do to encourage him."

    "When I got to chruch the next morning I found that Jack was not there  My youth pastor told me that Jack had called him.  Jack and I had been helping with the youth group and now apparently, Jack wasn't going to be hleping anymore.

    The days went by and I talked to Jack less and less.  He quit associating with "our" group of friends.  I saw him at school often, but we would seldomly say more than a false "how's it going" to each other for lack of something in common to speak of.  news got around that he was dating a girl who was nearly an alcoholic and hand't the slightest interest in God, or anything for that matter, which wasn't affiliated with sex or drugs or rock and roll.  Jack's need for something to live for and something to believe in slowly died.  He started living only to have fun, and started believing only in himself, and lost interset in God and faith and matters of above.  I prayed fro him a lot, but he would never get clos enough to me for me to say anything to him.  When we passed each other in the hall he would look away or look at the floor.  I wondered if he though he was better than I was or was merely afraid of the compassion I had for him.  It hurt losing a best friend and being helpless about his life's misdirection at the same time.  It seemed that the only thing I could do was to watch him travel his downward spiral.  As the year progressed my thoughts of Jack lessened.  Not to say that I quit caring but more that I just moved on.  I continued with the prayer group and continued trying daily to please God.

    My senior year was no different.  I saw Jack here and there.   I had physics with him, but he sat on the other side fo the room.  Sometimes we would say hello, but the conversation never progressed from there.  I got a job and worked part time and continued working until that summer.  One day during my lunch break I was waiting in line at Taco Bell when Jack, all by himself, walked in and stood behind me.  I ordered the usual:  beef-mexi-melt, Mexican pizza and a medium Pepsi.

    "Do you mind ifI eatwith you?"I heardas I startedto unwrap my food.  I was very surprisedt o see jack following me to my booth.

    "No, go ahead. Wow, Ididn't expect to see you here," I said.   "It's been a long time." Before he answered I bowed my head and prayed for my food.  When I looked up I saw a funny smirk on his face.   "What?" I asked wondering if he would now remember and go to a different table.

    "Nothing, it'sjust that it's benn a long time since I've seen anyone do that...I mean pray," he replied smiling. 

    "A long time ago you might have caught yourself doing it," I said.  "I once had a friend who told me if you pray before every meal you won't get heartburn, but I still eat Tums like candy."  Jack laughed at the joke we had once shared.

    "So how are things going?  I mean do you still believe in all that stuff?"  He asked me with a sincere look on his face.

    "More than ever...how 'bout you?  Do you still believe in any of this stuff?"  I replied, feeling well about returing the question.

    "Sometimes I think about it...wonder what it all meant."   Jack answered.

    "Do you come to any conclusions?" I asked.

    "Sometimes I miss it.  I felt different when I was like you.   But it's been so long that I don't really know for sure.  And nowthere's a lot to give up to get back to the way things were.  I've donea lot of things that maybe God wouldn't approve of.  And I don't even know if I want to go back now.  Or if I could go back, if I did want to."

    We sat for a while not talking.  I knew that there were a lot of things I could have said about how if he were really sorry, then God would forgive him.   And that God still loves him, but I knew he really knew all that and my saying it would only push him away.  Once again I prayedsilently that familiar prayer, "Please God give me the words."

    "Well I got to go."  Jacksaid as he stood up with his tray.  "I have to pick up my brother in five minutes and my mom will be pi...my mom will be mad if I'm late.  It's been good talking to you.  Give me a call before you go to school and maybe we can do this again."

    We walked outside together and he started to get in his car.

    "Hey Jack."

    "What?"

    "I'll be praying for you," I saidnot knowing what he would say.

    "Thanks."